April 23, 2003
The Care and Feeding of your Geek
Posted by Jess in
Geek Humor
Congratulations! You’re the proud owner of a geek. With the proper care and feeding, your geek will flourish and give you years of satisfaction. Improper care can cause your geek to wither. With that in mind, we’ve set up some guidelines so you’ll know you’re taking care of your geek in the best possible way.
Language – It’s ok to say hello to your geek before asking them to fix something for you. In fact, you may notice that the more you engage your geek in pleasant conversation, the happier your geek will be to fix something for you in subsequent visits.
Toys – Your geek requires a substantial amount of toys, and it is recommended that you keep their area filled at all times. New toys come out every day, be sure you stay on top of what your geek needs to play with.
House Training – Your geek has to go to the bathroom just like everyone else. While housebroken, it is still recommended that if they pass you on their way to the bathroom, let them go. You can ask your question when they are on their way back.
Sunlight – Never, ever, under any circumstances, expose your geek to sunlight.
Typing – Yes, your geek can type fast, probably faster than you can. It’s what they do. They should be fast at typing. They are aware of how fast they type.
Territories – Your geek can be very territorial, especially towards what is commonly called “the server room”. While there is no danger of them peeing on the servers (see HOUSE TRAINING), it is highly recommended that you do not enter their territory.
Alcohol – Contrary to popular belief, geeks drink alcohol too, so it’s ok to invite them out with you after work. However, geeks can easily drink too much. The warning signs that your geek has drunk too much alcohol are when they brag about their ability to recite the Fibonacci sequence. Backwards.
Rewarding – Your geek needs to know when they’ve done a good job. While a simple “thank you” is sufficient, other rewards will do the trick (see TOYS).
Follow these simple rules, and enjoy years of rewarding experiences with your geek.
GOOD LUCK!
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Comments
Priceless. And we all know that the REAL reason Matt went to Japan is the selection of TOYS! I've been totally enjoying the Japan posts, and drooling over the toys .
Hehehe "tactful venting" is what I call it. :-)
I've been having a lot of fun too, reading of his adventures. Countdown is on till his return, though.
And yes, drooling over that camera!
fave line: "They are aware of how fast they type."
lol
very nice. slips into a certain crenelation in the old cortex, settles down into the pre-fabricated hammock made just for this sort of humor, is handed a nice glass of lemonade, and says "aaah."
Personally, I don't think anyone should be given a real geek until they've first demonstrated that they can keep a Tamageekie alive and only slightly surly for a full 30 days. And I'm not quite sure where you got that typing speed thing from, Jess -- if it weren't for my inherently immaculate code conception, I'd never get anything finished...
Though I have owned a geek for many years, I must say that asking him to "fix" something will not always work. You should ask Joe, "Who has recently crawled under the house and fixed a plumbing problem, patched the roof and cleaned the gutters?" Sadly, the geek's owner.
[grinning ear to ear]...I emailed Shirley a link to the post here, and a while later she says, "You can go read my reply". EGADS! Who would ever think personal details would be exposed on the Internet!
Truth be told, Shirley is quite the handy woman. The first gift she ever gave me was a trouble light (I used to work on our Volkswagens - a bug and a bus - a lot - and the trouble light was a very practical gift). I thought, "this is pretty cool, that a gal would be thinking about such a useful gift". That and the fact that she was the first woman who could say something even grosser than what I'd come up with ...I was hooked.
And then [insert geek pride here]...our Christmas gift to each other a year or two ago was a 2-line Seiman's phone system -- a base unit and a number of 2.4GHz cordless handsets scattered around the house. SO much cooler than spending lots of dough on jewelry (although I've been told that jewelry is always OK :-)
Together we've done roofing, tile-work, brickwork, cement, fences, etc., etc. Getting an email at work the other day that she'd fixed a plumbing leak (a drain pipe with a leak inside the wall!) ...yeah, baby! That was too cool for school. And while Shirley was mucking about with the plumbing, I was just typing away in code-land at work!
LOL!
Jon - Thanks! You made me feel better though, I had to look up the word 'crenelation'.
Stan - it must be just me then. I get made fun of because apparently when I type, and I quote, "it sounds like a dog running across a kitchen floor".
Shirley - I've never met you, but I like you already. Moxie, baby!
Joe - you're a lucky, lucky guy. :-)
