April 23, 2003
Hypothesis becomes Theory
Posted by Matt in
Day to Day
Have you ever started thinking of a song for some odd reason and wish you could hear it? Then one day you get in the car, flip on the radio, and there it is! Well, it happens to me a lot in the US and I am not talking about the "song of the week" type of song. I am talking about obscure songs like Def-Leopard Pour Some Sugar on Me or Snow-Informer. Well, since Monday, I have been singing Europe's Final Countdown. It was from the 80s and I began to sing it when I woke up Monday morning and said to myself "Well, the final countdown has begun... only 5 more days". So here I am riding the train, singing to myself and wishing that I could hear it. Sitting at work and doing the same. Then last night Kenshi asked me to go out to dinner with him.
I was honored once again and actually he asked me last week but I could not make it then. So here we are, driving around in his car and I hear this faint sound in the background. It sounds a lot like The Final Countdown. I interrupt him (appologizing of course) and ask if I can turn the song up. I was so excited. I had had such a crazy day at work and I was drained but the song was revitalizing! I was giddy. I started dancing in my seat and clapping my hands (I avoided the "air drumming"). I was once again happy.
We then went out for sushi and a few drinks. We got into a lot of different discussions over sake but the most memorable discussion we had was when I had a revalation at a bar while drinking some cognac. We began to discuss our relationships because he is very excited to be having his first baby. He was explaining how things change when begin to try and have a child. Sex is no longer just for pleasure but for creation and it is a wonderful time.
We then began to discuss my relationship with Jess and I explained how since day one, Jess & I have been together as much as possible. We have yet to fight (I have said it before and I will say it again, the fact that we don't fight does not mean we dont disagree. When we do disagree, we discuss the situation and reach an outcome without raising our voices at eachother. We dont fall into the "door slamming" and "storming off" routines). Also, through talking with Kenshi and trying to find the best words to use, I made the statement that there is 100% trust in our relationship and 0% jelousy. I followed it up with saying "Jess could go out with 10 male strippers and I would not care". I know she would not do anything just like she knows I will not do anything here. I then explained how I look at things. When I am presented with a situtation, no matter what my state of mind may be, I know that I have Jess and I would not risk losing her for anything in the world. But in Japan, around 10 pm, the girls hit the street and offer you massages (mentioned in another post). I then said that the way I look at situations like that is would I want to have one night of crazy exotic hanging from the ceiling sex to spend the rest of my life living in misery for the fact that I ruined something so perfect.
So many people have asked me how I can have a relationship like I do and I have never really had a solid explanation. Now I do. You have to ask yourself "would you risk everything you have right now for one night of promiscuity, our would you like assurance that for the rest of your life that you will have someone who will love you unconditionally for who you are and not for reasons that are taken on face value?" To me, it is a no-brainer.
There is another theory that evoloved from the conversation and that is the fact that I like to keep a balance in my life. Granted the scales sometimes go in favor of one side or the other but as long as the average is equal, you are doing ok. At one point in our relationship, this was not the case. The balance was heavilly shifted in my favor and Jess was neglected. For those who knew me durring these dark times, you will remember that the root of evil was a game called EverQuest (EQ). I played it for a 6 month period and it is an online game where you adventer in the world of EQ and build up your virtual character. When I first began playing, I was working for the Department of Defence. My daily routine changed because I "needed" to play EQ more then anything else. At the time, Jess was not only working her 9-5 job but also making house calls fixing peoples computers. Her normal time of getting home was arround 9 or 10 pm. When she would get home at these times, I would still be playing but I would finish up and sit with her to talk about our days. However, when the holiday season came around, her housecalls dwindled and she was getting in arround 5 pm. She then saw what it was like for me.
I would get home from work around 3 pm, pee really quick and sit down at the computer to play. It was my food, my drink, but not my niccotene. I must have smoked a pack just playing the game. Jess was used to me stopping playing when she got in or a 1/2 hr later. Now she was sitting on the couch, alone, and missing our conversations. I finally saw the light (it used to be when the sun came up and I was still playing) but in that 6 month period, I spent a total of 93 "real life" days in front of the computer just playing. 3 months of my life were wasted being a slave to a game that cost me a monthly fee to play.
Maybe Japan caused me to step back and look at my life in a different way. I have found that in Japan, so many things are different. The atmosphere is more relaxed (for the most part). But I realize that I like to keep a balance no matter what. This is why I dont get hang-overs. I realize that all a hangover is is dehydration. Drinking plenty of water before going to bed (and the fact that I can pee for 1 min 26 sec *yes I timed it and I had a witness* so you know my bladder is huge) or drinking sports drinks like gatorade. As long as you can balance the rate of hydration with the rate of dehydration, you will be fine. Jess has tried it after a night of heavy drinking and she woke up refreshed instead of hungover.
This is most likely my last post from Japan and I cant wait to head back to the states. I have had a good time here in Japan but with all the work I have been doing, sightseeing will have to be done on the next trip. I do hope to bring Jess with me the next time so she too can experience the culture. Also, it would make things easier on me knowing that even tho I am in Japan, I can still go home to my wife every day after work. Si-ah-nah-ra everyone :-)
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That must have been some strong cognac, man.
It's interesting what one learns through cultural observation. That's why I've been running all over the world for the last five years. It's amazing.
It was :-) I got a nice snifter of 86 XO. MMM MMM good! Granted my one drink prolly cost a heck of a lot and I offered to pay for it. They, of course, would not hear of it. I think flying to Japan from the east coast will be the longest flight I will ever take so visiting the rest of the world will be like childs play. Jess & I are planning to go to England some time in the future :-)
Matt, It's cool to hear that you and Jess don't 'fight' the way couples are portrayed fighting on TV or in the movies. Shirley and I are the same way. There's never been raised voices or slamming doors. A few years ago we were having a discussion in the family room and our son asked, "Are you guys fighting?" (he was watching TV or something while we were talking) We answered that it was as close as we get to fighting -- just talking about whatever it might be. Later we were saying to each other that we hope that he's able to use that same approach to dealing with conflicts ... rather than the goofy scripts played out on the screen. Anyway, it's very cool to know there are other couples who get along.
And your Japan posts have been an absolute treat!
I am glad you have enjoyed the posts. Maybe Jess will put up the pic I had taken of me and a Pikachu statue. I dont know how old your son is but if he is young, you have probabally heard of Poke-e-mon. I began watching Poke-e-mon when it first came on and I remember the x-mas season when I was running around trying to find a Pikachu stuffed animal. No luck, noone had ever heard of Poke-e-mon at that time. Then, like wildfire, it spread across the US and it became a household name. Crazy how things like that happen.
As you said, it is reassuring that all couples dont fight. I have heard people say that there is a problem in my relationship if we dont fight and that it is "not healthy". I say screw them. There is no reason to fight if you are mature enough to reason. Props to you and your wife :-) and you can rest assured that you son will also have your values. It depends on who he marries that will determine the outcome.
What a great post. :-)
Couldn't have said it better myself. I know, it drives me nuts how when we say we don't fight, people assume that means we never disagree. D'oh!
And yes, it was hard. Imagine, 9 years, and this is the longest we've ever been apart. Yes, it's decided. Next time I go with you, har har. :-)
But this is just another reason why travel is so great. Once you step away from your routine and your world, you can look at it from a distance, and then you SEE.
Quesiton on EverQuest, ever run into a character named Animal?? Used to be one of the top two players in level on there?
Not sure... so many names sound familiar and I grouped with so many people. What I can say is the server I used to play on. That was Morell-Thule. The main people I grouped with were
Ninala
Ydiss
Gruemble
(been too long and I can no longer type /friends anymore. There were plenty though)
this is one of the best posts i have ever read on any blog. ever.
:-)
it made me real happy!
Matt, you told me alot of this stuff while we were out partying together in Tokyo...that says alot. You were definitely the only guy at the club at 3:30am that was telling me why your relationship with Jess is so special and unique and how you would never do anything to put it at risk..
The simple fact that we were having that conversation while people were engaging in all sorts of impurities around us (of course, not by any of the Heartlab folks, god forbid) says it all, I think. You and Jess are 2 lucky people.
Hi, Matt... Ydiss here :)
I still play EQ from time to time as Yzan on MT.
What was your EQ name?
Hey! How are things going? My name on MT was Zyrenthian. I still miss the days of playing even after 2 yrs has passed. However, things would no longer be the same. I have moved out of my appartment and into a house. I used to smoke about a pack or more in front of my computer when I played but my wife and I decided to not smoke in the new house. We thought it would help us quit. It worked for my wife, but I still love my smokes. I instead took up a new habbit which is a bit worse depending on how you look at it. My new game of choice is Craps. In fact, I am going to play tonight. On the bright side, we are still playing with our winnings from other trips to the casino. Once that money is gone (if it ever is), we will start saving up again and go with "money we can lose". For now though, we look at it as playing with the casino's money :-)
Hope all is going well
Matt
