August 07, 2005
Fridgidivining
Posted by Jess in
Geek Humor
I would like to introduce you all to the art of Fridgidivining.
Fridgidivining involves divining information about one's personalities, likes, dislikes, and general traits based on the contents of their refrigerator at any given moment.
For example, here's what a professional fridgidiviner might say about my fridge at the moment:
"A ˝ gallon of milk can look ordinary to the untrained eye. But what the unsuspecting doesn’t realize is that the expiration date of the milk has met its maker long ago. An act of laziness to not remove it? Forgetfulness? And why was it not drunk? Are the owners not particularly health-conscious?
I sense a longing to learn new things...to explore new horizons... an insatiable curiosity. This sensing mostly comes from the realization that the back of the fridge yields several incredibly curious-looking science projects carefully concealed in their Tupperware igloos until the study is up. 'Leftovers', you say? Hardly! There are far too many containers to possibly be leftovers. They simply must be there for some higher purpose.
A six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade suggests a love of sweet drinks, as one would want to keep a fridge stocked with things they like. Again, to the untrained eye, I say 'pshaw!' The six-pack is complete, none have been drunk. A dislike of sweet drinks, most likely. In-stock for someone else, perhaps?
I saw the hummus and edamame on the right as I opened the door. Immediately I thought, 'worldly, in a swanky, sexy, healthy sort of way.' Then I saw the diet soda, chocolate sauce, caramel dip, and cookie dough mix and thought, 'they’re not fooling anyone.'
Hmmm… a fridge containing more condiments than fruit, meat, or basic meals alone is not natural. In fact, looking closely, I'm not seeing much actual food here. These are fly-by-night people! They’re probably not that organized. But once they get the meal, with this arsenal, it will probably taste really, really good.
This is a peaceful household. The fridge gives me good vibes. Except – I sense tension. See the butter and margarine? They are both here! A most unusual turn of events... I sense indecisiveness... an unwillingness to concede. See, come here and look closer - note how one stick has been sliced at the ends, while the other one has been slowly shaved off the top over time? See how one has crumbs in it, while the other remains pristine? Someone clearly has cross-condiment contamination issues.
Ah, real maple syrup. Classy."
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Comments
Um, what were you doing in my fridge? Except for the Mike's, you've got it nailed. Now consider that I live alone. The butter/margarine crumb/clean divisions become suggestive of deeper conflicts....
lol! Hey, if you use real maple syrup, you're still OK in my book. :-)
Oh Lordy. You've just made me feel really anxious about my fridge. I always knew the bathroom cabinet is an infallible diviner, so I don't let anyone else in that room. But now? Must I guard the fridge too?
