August 08, 2005
Fridgidivining - Even more chilling then the last
Posted by Matt in
Geek Humor
I would like to take a brief moment and discuss the neglected freezer. What can we learn here? To the untrained eye, nothing, but to the experienced fridgidiviner, on can learn even more. Take for instance stacks of store bought meat. An untrained eye may just pass right by it, but the diviner will look at the sell by date. Steak to be sold by January 2004? Why save it for so long? Was it a really good steak that deserves a momentous occasion to be thawed? Are the owners vegetarian and the steak, like a 6 pack of hard lemonade, it just in stock for someone else?
The art of divining must take more into account. If you’re looking in the freezer, unless you’re a burglar looking for some cold cash, you most likely know the owner. Are they a vegetarian? There is one avenue that can be followed or bypassed. You must narrow down your information to become a diviner extraordinaire.
So onward with our deeper look into the fridgidiviner. The freezer also contains a couple of ice trays and a container for ice cubes. Are the ice trays full? Is the container full? Does an ice tray have only one ice cube left or is it empty? From this we can determine if the freezer is just a storage place for two trays “because that’s where they go” or an actual ice cube factory. The container can shed even more light (even though the freezer does not have an automatic light like its partner) because if it is full, the trays are basically breeding grounds for ice cubes and almost always full themselves. The owner just reaches into the container when they need ice and when it gets low, they empty the trays into them and refill to birth the new cubes in a matter of hours.
Then, of course, there are the freezers with the built in ice makers. A convience that can fork the divination. A built in ice maker provides for a reasonable amount of ice at any given time but do the owners like to party, just plain ol’ lazy or did they just get it because it was an extra 50 bucks? The built in ice maker can cause false predictions and should be approached very carefully.
Amongst the ice and piles of meat, there are also a bunch of silver bundles. These are the mystery wraps of food that could be labeled but are most likely not. What could be in these packages? Sometimes the shapes give it away, that cylindrical shape over there looks like a stack of burgers, those over there look like hot dogs and that blob of once malleable meat now dented ever so precisely by a box of Hot Pockets (Hot Pockets ® is a registered trademark of Nestle USA.) could have been chicken.
The Hot Pockets, or even other easy to make meals, shed more light on the owner. Just how much of it do they have? Do they have dozens of Hungry Man dinners (Hungry-Man ® is a registered trademark of Pinnacle Foods Corporation) or maybe just one or two tv-dinner type meals. A full freezer could suggest they don’t like to cook and you should be wary of anything they take off the stove, or it could also just mean they work their butt off all week and can’t be bothered cooking.
There are many more chilling discoveries that await the fridgidiviner and they are but a few steps away. What have you found out lately?
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Comments
Ah, the ice tray. The Fridgidiviner's greatest challenge. *shudder*.
See? I've thrown in far too many rants and complaints lately in the blog. I *knew* I needed to kick up the goofiness factor around here!
Goofiness?!?! BLASPHEMER! May you freeze in the well of freon upon a bed of broken air conditioners!
lol... actually, now that I think of it, at least in OUR household, the Ice Cube Tray can spawn a whole new branch of Fridgidivining... the dynamics are *that* complex.
This new branch involves investigating the temperature of the outside of the tray itself to determine just how long the tray actually sat on the side of the sink until it was actually refilled. :-P
Okay, you two - I know Jess is on major drugs for that Lyme's disease - and it may in fact cause silliness and hallucinations, but Matt, what is your excuse? Been sampling the Mike's Lemonade again?
And y'all stay out of my freezer!
I'd even go so for as to classify both of these as sub-genres of Culinomancy - after all, one can also tell a lot about personality by the contents of the rub put onto meat. :)
Susan, Matt's got a good excuse, he's been living with me the past week. :-)
Turns out I'm not feeling as well as I thought I was, I think I underestimated. Given that I'll have some more cabin fever for longer than I previously thought, who knows what ELSE I can come up with? :-)
Tom - LOL! Uh oh, does that mean I don't exist? I just eat it and then clean up... don't think for one second I can cook my way out of a paper bag.
